Millie slept great and seemed just about all the way better, so we brought her back to camp this morning. Drop off was perhaps worse than Monday but they assured me that she calmed down quickly and had a good day.

Nick and I headed back to the hotel room to shower and do some more planning and booking of upcoming days. Planning the trip as we go is a full time job. I would prefer it this way vs. booking everything ahead of time because we love the flexibility, but it means that we have very little down time. I thought maybe I’d get through my reading list on this trip but nope. Evenings are dedicated to writing this blog and planning. Airplanes rides are dedicated to disassociating and napping.

At about 11AM we walked over to the nearby Rijksmuseum, stopping in the Cafe first to have a sandwich. I neglected to take a photo but the building is beautifully laid out and the cafe feels very grand.

We then continued into the museum, starting with the floor of artists from the 1600s. The biggies: Rembrandt, Vermeer, etc. I reveled in the ability to move slowly and not having to keep my energy up to find things that would keep Millie entertained.

Here are some photos I took either of things I liked or that I thought Millie might want to see. Of course the other side of being happy to be there without her was constantly thinking “aw, she’d love this!”

After spending a couple of hours on this floor we headed down to the “new” stuff of the 1800s. I loved this meta description of a Van Gogh; that he visited this same museum and was inspired by the very paintings we had just seen. I love anything that contextualizes another thing.

At one point a woman walked past me and I overheard her say to her friend, “I feel like I’ve seen this same painting 8 times in this museum.” This was exactly how I felt after 4 hours of Dutch art. The men with no eyebrows, the Shakespeare neck doilies, the vibrant still lifes, the ships, and the moody landscapes all started to blend together. Too much of a good thing.

Many of the galleries focused on Dutch history, and much of Dutch history is colonization. Nick and I both left feeling icky. (I’m too tired to write anything poignant about such a complex topic, sorry about my vocabulary). An example among many is this painting of a Dutch man in what is now Ghana, with an enslaved man in the shadows behind him. I was reminded of how much of the wealth that still remains in our world was (and continues to be) built on the backs of others.

We had originally planned to go to another museum after this one, but this was so extensive that we didn’t have time. We went to pick up Millie.

As I mentioned above it sounded like she had a good day. She proudly showed us her art and told her about her new friend from France. We decided to walk slowly to a food hall 45 minutes away for an early dinner.

Right as we were arriving she had a meltdown because we couldn’t carry her anymore (she had already had a long piggyback ride from me and a shoulder ride from Nick). The meltdowns are really wearing us down. Nick and I have slightly different approaches so it creates conflict between the two of us in the moment.

It feels like after every one we need to do a postmortem play-by-play where we ask a million questions and break it down. Was it because she was tired or hungry or sick? Would it have been different if we said X instead of Y? Are we being too hard on her? Are we being too easy on her? What does she actually need in the moment? What is normal for a 4-year-old? Should we be worried? Is it happening because of this trip or would it happen regardless? Is this a cry for help? Are they getting worse or improving? Was she like this at school and we just didn’t see it? Is it fair to punish the behavior she has during them? What are the consequences? Was it preventable?

We might go crazy trying to make sense of them. It has been, by far, the hardest part of the trip.

Anyway, she did eventually calm down and we did eventually go into the food hall. Surprising no one, she chose pizza and ate three big slices. I was happy to see her appetite back. Nick and I shared a delicious platter of Indonesian street food.

We walked home and Millie happily walked the whole way. It turns out her legs do work!

I do love this city. We agreed that of everywhere we’ve been so far, we’d most like to live in Amsterdam. At some point we’d like to figure out how to do a whole summer here.