We had breakfast and then Nick took Millie to camp. I left shortly after them so I could meet him at a toy store. As I mentioned yesterday, I think much of her struggle has been that she has been without the things that bring her the most joy, and she hasn’t had enough space for just… playing. She has mentioned a few times how she misses her “click clack shoes” (play high heels).

We spent a while browsing the store to find stuff that we knew she’d love, while also making sure we could pack it in our tiny bags. Once our selection was complete, we walked home to unbox and lay it all out for her. I cleared out the stuff we’ve been carrying around that she has grown bored of. We discussed how we wanted to make sure it didn’t feel like a reward for her not-great behavior and made a plan for how to present it all to her.

She got: unicorn dress up clothes, nail stickers, drawing pad, new markers with skin colors so she can stop drawing exclusively yellow people, Frozen puzzles, a rainbow twirling ribbon, balloons, and some playmobil people.

Judy also got a new outfit and some diapers.

I wasn’t sure if the diapers would fit so I had to try them on her. 20 years ago Nick and I were newly in love and getting high in an Amsterdam coffee shop. Now we are in an Amsterdam hotel room unboxing tiny plastic high heels and putting fake diapers on a babydoll. Life is, as they say, a highway.

Once Operation: Christmas in June was complete we did the same thing for ourselves. While we’ve been mostly satisfied with what we have packed, we’re far enough in to realize what edits we should make. We did some culling to get rid of the things we haven’t worn or have worn through. I got rid of my sports bra, yoga pants, pajamas, jeans, and the joggers that make me feel like sporty spice (in a bad way). Then we walked to the shopping part of town to get the things that we felt were missing. I got a second lightweight sweater, a pair of linen pants, a pair of shorts, and new ankle socks, all from Uniqlo. Aside: I heard someone once refer to Uniqlo as “Asian M” – as in H&M – and it makes me laugh every time.

We tried on outfits to be sure about our edits, and repacked. Then it was time to pick up Millie. As we arrived they were heading back from the park in their little vests, which was extremely cute. She had a great day and asked if she could go back next week, of course on her last day and after a rocky start.

Then it was Ice Cream Friday. We waited in a long line for very good gelato.

On the walk home we noticed she had stepped in dog poop and it was all over her shoes. We leaned into the “throw money at our problems” theme of the day and found a shoe store on the way home. We thanked her very filthy and worn out Vans for their service and she walked out reallllly feeling herself in the new pair of Nikes that she picked out.

At this point we had “the talk” about how we knew she’s been having a hard time and we wanted to get her some things to help her have fun. She was so exited.

The big reveal was as happy as I’d hoped for and she immediately changed into all her fancy new dress up stuff. Nick went out to do the Heineken brewery tour and we stayed in the TINY room playing. Have I mentioned how tiny our room is?

Nick came home, we ordered Uber eats delivery, and she stayed up a little later than usual to play.

Days since meltdown: 1. Which is one more than my imaginary OSHA counter has said for the last few days.

After we had tucked her in and said our good nights, she spoke up and said “Mom, I have to say thank you…” My heart swelled and I was ready for the moment of true recognition I’ve been waiting for for the last 4 years. And then she said “for giving me that chocolate coin at Granny’s house” which is something that happened a few months ago. I know this is slightly misplaced gratitude, just like the meltdowns about nothing are slightly misplaced pain. Nick and I laughed, said “you’re welcome”, and she went right to sleep.